[private, hexed against all but Mandy]
I've finally taken a stand, made a decision which will affect not only me but Mandy and our whole future together - I refuse to be a Death Eater any more!
I didn't make this decision lightly, nor come to it by any easy means. But having reached it, I feel that it is the right choice, the only choice that I could make.
I talked to Professor Snape about it. He warned me that it wouldn't be easy. Of course not, that's a given. And that the only way to enlist Professor Dumbledore's aid in my cause is to spy for him against them, which in itself will be a most dangerous thankless thing to do.
But I shall do it, that's all there is to it. I've seen things in the past few years which I can't even bear to think about, horrible things, and I can't do it any more. I want to make a life with Mandy, make up to her for the damnfool I left her in the lurch before, let her slip between my fingers. Broke her heart, dammit!
I'm lucky she even talks to me again, much less cares about me. But I have been blessed with having managed somehow, through some sort of blind dumb luck, to retain her love, and I'll do everything in my power this time to make sure that I don't fail her. No matter what it takes.
Professor Snape is going to teach me the ropes.
The hardest part, I think, is that I can't tell Chad. My closest friend, other than Mandy. I've told him everything since we were just squirts. But at least for now I can't. It won't be easy, pretending. Snape told me that being a spy is a thankless job. I guess I'll find out just how thankless.
Chad, mate, please understand.
Maybe I can help get him out of that life. But I'm not sure that he wants to be rescued. We'll see.